United Services against Havant was always bound to be two goliaths facing off against each other - no Angus wasn’t playing - with no Starboy and Starmum watching on it was guaranteed to be a tough match. With a friendly pushback time of 8:30 in the evening, that’s 2030 for all you navy folk, the majority of US rocked up from about 7PM onwards for a pregame tactical meeting which to everyone else would appear as a pre-match pint but I assure you, it was all tactics and not us talking about cricket for an hour.

For US, they were in a bit of a sticky situation; last minute drop outs due to dodgy shins and alleged appendicitis - trapped wind? Luckily, their hero in disguise, the mighty rolls-royce Ed Lewis stepped up to the plate in order to assist after previously being unavailable. Wearing all borrowed kit he can only be described as the most village player to have ever graced the Trojans pitch. After spotting some familiar faces in the Havant team, comments of dodgy hairlines were passed around and putting players in back pockets which later proved to be accurate. A brief warmup began which surprisingly consisted of people actually warming up and not just peppering the goalkeeper with balls.

From the first whistle, Havant and US sacked off all thoughts of possession based hockey and went for a purely counter attacking based approach which must’ve been incredibly enjoyable for the spectators and Miles (Benchaldinho) who spent as long as possible on the bench. A rotating back 3 of Dinger, Russ and Ed accompanied by Ella and Chris Glover - a man who is ageing like a fine wine - ensured Havant were kept at bay at all times with the occasional inconvenience for Gumpy to deal with. Chris Glover ensured he pocketed all of Havant’s talented youngsters who dared come down his wing causing a great deal of frustration for the Havant attack. Despite Havant’s attempts to injure star CB Ed Lewis with a friendly aerial to his back from 2 yards away, a fairly boring first half continued with not much to worry either goalkeeper despite the fast work of the US front line with a big mention to Lucy & Haribo who kept the Havant CB on strings.

After a half time talk consisting of everyone's bemusement at the fact it was only 0-0, ideas were pitched on how to win the game. A personal favourite of mine was “guys we’re not playing in green, but we keep passing to green shirts”, clearly this comment was effective as the game later finished… 0-0.

The second half began and it was very similar to the first half with both teams counter attacking and rejecting any opportunity to retain the ball for longer than 5 passes, personally I blame crash ball merchant Tom Singleton. Moments in the game came and went with both keepers responsible for the scoreline being 0-0, and despite Trojans Chief Talent Academy Neek spectating the game, it was a friendly affair until the final whistle. A personal highlight of the second half was my teammate attempting to injure me by peppering a ball from 3 yards away into my heel - cheers Russ but the adidas shoes you gave me actually meant I felt nothing, and you too can feel nothing when you use code renbussell at checkout for 15% off with any qualifying purchase.

Despite the 0-0 draw, US can be happy with the fact they fought the entire game and kept most attacks at bay, maybe Tom’s formation isn’t the solution and Ben Organ is actually Pep Guardiola in disguise? They’ve got the same hairstyle (ish). Questions must be asked over the absence of the Navy’s latest hospital case, will he recover from his horrific injury suffered at the hands of his own lack of stretching? Find out after 2 weeks when he’s back.